Outing

Yes...I have left the house.
The drive up the highway to my brother's place in Glencoe was long and rainy, but worth it. I spent several hours maneuvering and holding ladders while Cris put up cameras in an effort to protect himself and his family from the fuckers in this country who possess in firearms what they lack in morality.
I think his name is Kevin.
He is a late-twenties white dude - so rare in this country - shirtless, with long sun-bleached blond hair and a good body, walking his dog. He smiled once, carelessly.
It was lust at first sight.
But that's not what I want. I want impossibility - I want love. Blind, mad, inexplicable love with someone who's as insane as I am, who will at least try to understand my infinite quirks and eccentricities. Someone who will care enough to ask me what I want.
I want...
Deep emotion. The ultimate true love. Slow, measured strokes. Gentle touches. To be treated as though I am as fragile as glass.
But that's not enough.
Back against a wall. Rough hands on bare, smooth skin. Torn clothing. Harsh, fast. Bruises. Swollen lips. Carpet burns. Physical reminders of a good, unsentimental fuck. Anything goes.
What do I want?
One day I'll know. One day he'll show me.
Whoever he is.