Poem

I stand on the steps with my heart in my hand
And this is not turning out how I had planned.
I never expected this friendship to change,
To metamorphose into something so strange.
I didn't think I'd love you this way,
I never thought you'd turn my night into day.
I didn't believe that this would feel so right,
I hadn't planned on this flame burning so bright;
Never dreamed that your touch would ignite such a fire
Or that you'd be my one and only desire.
I never thought I would experience such bliss
Brought forth by the simplest hug or kiss.
I never expected this passion to cool,
Never thought you would play me for a fool,
I didn't dream it was over, that he was the one,
Didn't think that you'd leave me and take our son.
Never dreamed I'd be standing here listening to
Your dulcet moans as he makes love to you.
I couldn't believe it - you were my life.
Why is it now that you are his wife?
You used to be pure, you used to be mine.
I see shadows on the wall of you two intertwined.
I can't believe that our relationship is done,
And I don't know why, but I'm loading this gun.
I slam the door open, I see I surprise you.
Did you expect that I wouldn't despise you?
You hurt me, you bitch - now I have no choice.
I hear you tell me to lower my voice,
But the first gunshot rings and you stumble back,
Your eyes open wider, your jaw has gone slack.
You whisper my name and you see the blood,
It drips to the carpet, then becomes a flood.
He's screaming aloud now, he's crying with fear.
He wants badly to kill me but he doesn't dare.
He takes you in his arms but you're already dead,
Now I turn to him and I blow off his head.
I hear violent crying from the room next to this,
I go to our son and I give him a kiss.
I vaguely understand that what I've done is wrong
But I have to go now, I've lingered too long.
I head for the door, knocking over some chairs,
I trip and catch myself and run down the stairs.
A siren whines in the distance, my blood runs cold.
I'll be sentenced to life and never paroled.
I reload the gun with a fresh magazine,
Press the muzzle to my head; I feel so serene.
The siren is screeching, I hear running feet,
But my thoughts are of you, how you made me complete,
How peaceful you looked the moment you died;
In that instant you again were my beautiful bride.
I close my eyes now as the police tell me to freeze;
One more shot, officer, and I swear that I'll cease.
I pull the trigger and I feel no pain,
But the bullet makes such a sound as it tears through my brain.
My body falls sideways, I slump to the ground.
The police and the onlookers gather around.
I didn't mean to hurt you, or him for that matter,
To blow off his head, or your breastbone to shatter.
I know that I cannot undo this whole night,
I know that I've never done anything right.
I just hope you'll forgive me, and him as well
Because the demons are coming to drag me to hell.
Know that I love you, but after all,
No man can resist that instinctive call.
The desire to kill lives in every heart,
To rip, to rend, to tear part from part.
Violence is natural, and cannot be denied;
I tried to, my love; believe me, I tried.
So unload the bullets and be sure to sheath your knife;
You never know when you may feel like taking a life.
Whatever you do, don't end up like me -
Surrounded by fire and brimstone for all eternity.