Memories

Life is a funny thing, you know. There are some days when the sun slants through the window and falls on your face, searing your eyes through the lids, and you want more than anything in the world to rip it out of the sky and throw it into a black hole so that it never finds its way out. But then the next day it seems like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
How things change. Life has a funny way of making things blow up spectacularly in your face in a dazzling explosion that leaves spots dancing behind your eyelids in a mockery of Russian ballet...and then moments later it can help you out in ways you'd never imagined.
So out of sheer idleness today, I typed a URL I hadn't thought of in months into my browser and hit enter. And I remembered all over again with crystal clarity why I used to like this boy.
Well, he's not a boy anymore. He's all grown up now, and ain't it just the darnest thing? I wonder if he still looks the same, if he still sings songs from Phantom of The Opera, if he still employs an Oxfordian accent in those dulcet tones of his. Wonder if he remembers my existence at all. Wonder why I care.
His writing is breathtaking. That I can never forget. Elegant turns of phrase, crisp expressions that communicate their meaning easily - and, shockingly, he's also learned to spell, guess med school must do that to you - all steal my breath and blow my mind in precisely the same way they always have. His poetry, his prose - everything perfect.
You may never read this, but you know who you are. And if there was ever any doubt, let me erase it: I still care about you. I still think about you. I'll never forget you. Every time I hear anything even remotely Andrew Lloyd Webber, every time I hear an English accent, every time I say something I know you would have taken entirely the wrong way - I remember.
I like what we had. And I know you're far away now, and I know you have your own life - a life I am no longer part of. But yet still I find it within myself to tell you that I'm sorry, once again, for everything I said and did that I shouldn't have. I'm not that person anymore. I'm better than she was.
Don't forget me. That's all I ask.

Everything loved can be lost.