A recent realization that bites

Right. Confession time.

It's a little shocking, this whole thing. I've finally realized that a lot of my "emotion" is fake. I don't really feel half as much as I think I do. I can't handle a relationship because I don't feel enough. I don't care to be around him. I don't care whether he's there or not. I have no desire to kiss him, hold his hand, even talk to him.

See, I have this modus operandi.

Step One: I like unattainable men. Damaged, mysterious, unattainable. Any combination will do.

Step Two: I chase. Oh, I love the chase. It makes me feel like a woman. I fawn. I blush. I write poetry. I cry. Everyone, myself included, thinks I'm either head over heels or totally insane.

Step Three: The unattainable becomes interested, or otherwise attainable.

Step Four: I lose interest instantly and walk in the other direction at a brisk clip.

It's happened so many times I've lost count. I know why I'm so detached and distant, and it's a natural reaction, all things considered. But everybody has hurdles in life. I apparently tripped on the first one and am still lying on the ground waiting to be pulled up. But you know, it doesn't work that way. If I can't pick myself up, nobody will.

So there we go. This is my plan for the future, as of this realization - have friends, go without sex all my life (shut up, it can be done), have children via artificial insemination, and chase unattainable men by way of recreation.

Talk done.