Update
Update on what I've been up since my last post: nothing.
I studied, I studied, I got results of my mock exams (68 in history and Communications, 72 in literature and geography) and I studied. Oh yes, and I went hiking in deep central Trinidad to see some twelve acres of land we own that we've never seen. It's in the middle of dense forest. The nearest settlement is three or four rudimentary dwellings a mile or two away - no electricity, no water, and I doubt any sanitation. I think our next step will be selling those twelve acres...
I am so frustrated and stressed out, and by a number of things.
First off, I've been studying. I really have. I'm reading my textbooks diligently, highlighting the important things, repeating the facts and statistics, trying to have flashes of insight into the works of Keats, Walcott and Ngugi...and I'm remembering nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Second, exams are all of three weeks away. They last a month, but they start in a week. And I know nothing. I am so dead.
Third, and perhaps most importantly, I've been spending so much time studying that I haven't been able to write. And I'm used to being able to write whenever I pleased and how much I wanted, so having to restrain my creativity - to deny the muse, as it were - is a new thing to me. And it's extremely frustrating. I don't know how ordinary people, people who don't write, cope. How can you handle something as complex and screwed up as life without writing? I guess we all having our coping strategies, but I've seen hard times and I'm still here, so I figure mine ranks up at the top.
Anyway, no time to chat. Must be off...there is much work yet to be done...
I studied, I studied, I got results of my mock exams (68 in history and Communications, 72 in literature and geography) and I studied. Oh yes, and I went hiking in deep central Trinidad to see some twelve acres of land we own that we've never seen. It's in the middle of dense forest. The nearest settlement is three or four rudimentary dwellings a mile or two away - no electricity, no water, and I doubt any sanitation. I think our next step will be selling those twelve acres...
I am so frustrated and stressed out, and by a number of things.
First off, I've been studying. I really have. I'm reading my textbooks diligently, highlighting the important things, repeating the facts and statistics, trying to have flashes of insight into the works of Keats, Walcott and Ngugi...and I'm remembering nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Second, exams are all of three weeks away. They last a month, but they start in a week. And I know nothing. I am so dead.
Third, and perhaps most importantly, I've been spending so much time studying that I haven't been able to write. And I'm used to being able to write whenever I pleased and how much I wanted, so having to restrain my creativity - to deny the muse, as it were - is a new thing to me. And it's extremely frustrating. I don't know how ordinary people, people who don't write, cope. How can you handle something as complex and screwed up as life without writing? I guess we all having our coping strategies, but I've seen hard times and I'm still here, so I figure mine ranks up at the top.
Anyway, no time to chat. Must be off...there is much work yet to be done...
posted by Ariana at 1:33 AM
2 Comments:
hey..
Yea, I cannot believe you have many acres in a beautiful forest to yourself and you're not taking advantage of it.
If it were me, I would build a little shanty and live out there for a few months. you know, "find myself" or at least chill out and write!
Is it a nice forest?
/s/ Andrew
What I was thinking was rather to build a whole house and go there to write, like a retreat, but it's a little too out of the way. It's literally in the middle of the forest. Plus the no water and power thing doesn't really work. And it's an hour's hike to get through the forest to reach the part of it that's ours.
It is a pretty nice forest, though. I liked the atmosphere in it, the nature sounds. But because all the trees are so tall and the undergrowth is so thick, there's no breeze. And in Trinidad, breeze is necessary for survival because it's so damn hot. Sigh...
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